A saying in some twelve-step programs is to think it all the way through. Supposed you do this action that you are contemplating. Will there be immediate gratification? Will there be repercussions later? WIll there be damage in the long run? Then think about the long term damage before taking the action.

The AA Big Book has the analogy of a jay walker. Perhaps there will be a momentary thrill. Perhaps an experienced jay walker can get away with it for a few years. But, in the long run, running in front of oncoming traffic will eventually result in consequences.

A group I belonged to made a decision in January that I predicted would bandaid a short term problem but cause long term damage. No one believed me, and when the damage started to appear, one member attacked me for bringing it to the group’s attention. I left the group.

Six months later the damage is getting worse. When I get a phone call, I try hard to not say “I told you so.” Instead I try to lovingly help them consider the possibilities. Do they actually see any possibility that this can continue without further damage? Then I try to persuade them to make a change now, while they still can.

They assure me things will get better. I assure them things will get worse. They discuss adding more bandaids on top of the bandaid they already applied. I recommend yanking the bandaid off, cleaning the wound, and exposing it to fresh air.

I cannot live their lives for them. I guess they will need to experience the consequences for themselves.