more research on consensus

I have been doing more reading and research into what others think “consensus” means. I think the twelve-step literature has a better explanation than does almost anything else I have found. The other sources with great wisdom are writings from the Society of Friends (Quakers), but they are very small now compared to the size of the twelve-step movement. Other literature I am reading seems to suggest consensus is just a negotiating strategy. I think it is more than that. I prefer the way the Quakers express consensus as an extension of their way of life. It is not a tool, it is a lifestyle choice.

Associative thinking

My brain randomly sees connections between patterns others tend to miss. This is awesome for creativity. But it makes writing more challenging - especially technical materials. I can quickly jot down notes about all sorts of topics to cover. I find it fairly easy to write paragraphs of text about a topic. The challenge for me is to then build the bridges and scaffolding others will need if they are to follow along as I leap from thought to thought.

My approach to writing

I’ve read that some, like Hemmingway, could sit down and write a vast number of pages in a few hours. I am much slower. I begin with an outline, though I frequently rework the outline as I go. I write in an attempt to cover the topic, often leaving large gaps between thoughts. I rework that draft to try to get continuity within each section and between sections. Then I rework each section over and over trying to find the right words. I rework each section until if it says what I want it to say. I rework each section until a well informed reader should be able follow and not get bored. I rework it again so that someone with no background can pick up just that one page and at least get a general understanding of what I meant to say.

When I first started writing all this was done with a typewriter. Every draft had to be completely typed again. Once I got my first word processing machine the process became simpler. Personal computers make it even easier. One time I even typed an entire book just using my cell phone.

I wonder, however, if I could have learned to be more like Hemmingway if I had never found a word processor. What if I put more time into mentally forming perfect paragraphs before touching the keys? Well, I did not. Instead, I put a lot of effort into every page. I might rework the same section ten of twenty times. At first I insert and delete entire sentences, or even paragraphs. Later in the process I may re-read the section and change only one or two words.

I enjoy the effort. I think about how my father would take a piece of lumber, plane it smooth, trim it to size, sand it over and over again, fit it in place, smooth the edges and joints, stain the piece, polish, and then apply a protective lacquer. It was his hobby. His father did the same with his hobby. Perhaps it is genetic. I enjoy shaping the words, sanding the edges between paragraphs and sections, assembling the whole, and then polishing the points where sections connect. I guess what I do for my hobby is very much like what my father did with his.

The key to the process is to find joy in every minute. If it seems like work, then it is time to step away and take a break. When I do this right, every hour is an hour of gratitude.

Republic versus Democracy

I had previously thought the best form of government was a pure democracy. I had considered the imposition of representatives into the mix to be a dilution of the purity of democracy. Recently I have begun to think that a democracy is simply a very large aristocracy with a plurality subjugating all the minorities. Slowly I am beginning to see the wisdom in electing wise representatives who can bridge between constituencies.

Consensus is work

People do not know how to organize ourselves optimally. We have tried monarchies, oligarchies, democracies, republics, and consensus. Each is more complex and requires more personal commitment. If consensus is the best we know how to do today, then why is it so seldom used? 

Walking in the rain

My motorcycle is in the shop again so I walk everywhere. There was a gentle rain today. That just adds to the feeling that I am part of this world and not just a spectator. 

Literature search

I have been spending time lately doing a word search through a variety of literature searching for quotations regarding the group conscience process. I am posting my finds on a page devoted to research. I am also working through some recent resentments to release them. Every day I am also shredding old business cards since they are no longer relevant. All three actions are therapeutic.

Releasing resentments begins within

Being a perfectionists, I form resentments against myself for not releasing my resentments towards others. I know that a resentment is just a form of anger. I understand that anger fits within the grief cycle which consists of: Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, and Acceptance. Even so, I expect that I will turn loose of all my resentments. That is the goal for Step 10 - a daily inventory and reconciliation. Thus, I become angry with myself whenever I recognize that I am angry regarding a resentment.

The way forward is to forgive myself first, thus freeing me to forgive others.

Gratitude

Working the steps brings me recovery. I know I have recovery when I live in serenity and focus on gratitude. If I allow, then people, places, and things will distract me. Today I saw beautiful butterflies, geese, and ducks, all traveling north. Spring is here. Wildflowers are blooming. Birds are chirping. I am here to see it.

Meditation on the freeway

I have a difficult time meditating when I am home. What I find works better for is to meditate while doing. I can meditate while doing a long walk or a long bicycle ride. My favorite meditation pose is riding my motorcycle. Traveling on the motorcycle keeps my hands and mind focused. That focus allows the other parts of my brain the freedom to think without doing.

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Butterflies

This is butterfly migration season. I saw swarms of beauty all traveling north when I was down south on Friday. Today they reached my home town. They are magnificent in their beauty and in their persistence. Think of the drive it takes to travel thousands of miles while flying slower than a human can run.

Interconnections

"If you wish to understand the relation between the developing person and some aspect of his or her environment, try to budge the one, and see what happens to the other." (Bronfenbrenner, Toward an Experimental Ecology of Human Development; 1977, page 518)

Safety

When I go to a twelve-step meeting I expect to feel safe. I expect to safely listen to others tell their stories. I expect that I can safely share my story. This experience allows me to rebuild trust. But what I expect to experience is based upon “expectations.” There is no guarantee of safety in a twelve-step meeting.

Fortunately, members in most twelve-step meetings share the same expectation of safety as I do. They too need a safe place to share and to listen. Thus, we work together to turn our “expectations” into reality rather than resentments.

Sometimes that process falters. There are some meetings I do not go back to because I do not feel the safe, trusting warmth that I expect. The fault is in my expectations. But that does not mean that I need to go back.

Mixing styles

Nar-Anon recommends the group conscience process to reach consensus within a group,, an area, a region, and in world service committees. At the world service conference (WSC), however, that process is dropped. The WSC uses the system of representative voting. A majority wins in a vote, even if it is a slim majority.

I cannot speak for other twelve-step programs, but I think they probably do similarly.

Is this because we do not trust the process?

Do we not trust that Higher Power will lead us to the right conclusions?

Do we not have patience to wait for consensus?

I believe there are factions of the Society of Friends (Quakers) who still use the group conscience when making decisions at all levels of the organization - even when making decisions at the world level. The process works. It might not be as fast as we want. It might not allow us to get the results we want. But consensus through a group conscience will result in the best, most informed decision.

Parachute

Step 1 - Unmanageability is like signing up to go skydiving with your loved one, jumping from the airplane, and then realizing your should have brought a parachute.

Step 2 - Believing is like seeing that the person next to you brought an extra parachute.

Step 3 - Deciding is like accepting the loan of a spare parachute from a stranger without first checking to see if it is a brand that you like.

Enabling breeds resentments

I was married for many years without realizing I was married to an addict. Once I got into program, I learned that addiction has many forms.

I continued to enable addicted friends and family while learning to distinguish between enabling and helping. The simplest rule being that if I am doing for the other person what they can do for themselves, then I am enabling.

Recently I was verbally assaulted by a “friend” I had been “helping.”

Once the pain and shock wore off, I was able to look at the situation from the other person’s perspective. I realize she had an expectation that I would always “help.” That expectation was crushed when I said “no.”

Years of effort in this program give me perspective. I know that my anger is linked to my resentments. I know that my resentments stem from my expectations.

If every time I enable a friend, I actually disappoint their expectations, then over time my friends will each have a boat load of resentments. Inevitably there will be a time when my enabling falters and all those resentments come pouring out.

I need to work my program every day, every hour, and every minute. I work hard to release all my resentments. I try to avoid expectations. Going forward, I am also going to put more effort into examining my actions. I learned to stop enabling my spouse. I learned to minimize how much I enable addicted friends and family. Now I need to learn how to avoid enabling my clean and sober friends even within this program.

The infinite Tradition

I was recently asked to name my favorite tradition and I picked 4. Four is like a movias strip. As you follow the path laid out by tradition 4 you find yourself looking at the same topic from both sides. The deeper you study 4 the more you realize it is infinitely deep. 

Dilemma with Tradition 3

Tradition 3 says that anyone who claims to qualify can self identify. It was intended to cover membership, not service. Selecting people for service also depends on Concept 4 - which asks the membership to consider how well the volunteer fits the service position.