change is harder for some

I made some changes to my apartment. I switched some drapes around. I rearranged some of the furniture. My cat is unhappy about this. Trees do not move. Rocks do not move. My cat likes stability. Everything should stay the same. Poor cat. I am trying to comfort the cat through these stressful times.

I feel the same today regarding Squarespace. Yesterday they released the Android version of their app and it did not work. Whatever I tried it just said I need to check my internet connection.

Today they released an update or patch. It no longer complains about my internet connection. However, it still will not allow me to edit my blog page.

Maybe my cat can give me comfort. I do not like this change from an app that worked to an app that does not work.

Well wonder if wonders. I can edit this posting if first I save it using my desktop.

Squarespace app

Squarespace finally released their app for Android. I have been so looking forward to this because I previously did most of my blogging on the road. Finally the app is here.

What a horrid experience it is.

Try to add a blog page and it adds a blank page. However, when I click on the blank page it tells me I do not have an internet connection. I see no way to do any input such as adding a page title or inserting text.

Useless. No, worse than useless. A useless app would mean I still had hope they will release one that works. This is worse. They offered me a bit of hope, and then they smashed it and stomped on it.

Well, I will post blogs when I am at home. No need to be bitter. But, the next time I get a survey asking how likely I am to recommend Squarespace, I will probably put in a 6 out of 10 rather than a 9 out of 10.

choices

I have been encountering more automobiles and motorcycles on the wilderness trail lately. Today the police surrounded one and towed it away. Even so, it seems a bit hazardous lately. I am not sure what has prompted this rash of wrong turns. The paved trail does not look like a road.

There is an alternative. There is a dirt trail a hundred feet or so off to the side. I take it sometimes, but it also has hazards. It is narrow. So narrow that in some places one runner needs to step off the trail to allow another runner to pass. It also has another hazard - snakes.

This time of year the snakes are out in the morning trying to get their daily meal before the excessive heat arrives. I also try to get out early for the same reason. Occasionally we cross paths. Yesterday I startled a king snake, leaped over it, and then stopped to apologize. The snake did not seem to perturbed and santered across the trail. Today I encountered a rattlesnake. This snake was not going anywhere and dared me to approach. I did a u-turn and switched over to the paved trail.

This has happened before. This time of the year the snakes are out in the morning. The brush has grown right up to the edge of the trail. So, I will let the snakes have their trail until fall.

I think this is the wise thing to do. I am powerless over the snakes. I respect their right to coexist and know the trail would be overrun with mice if not for the snakes. I can adapt and change.

turning vision into reality

I have an ability to see trends and project future outcomes. This is a useful skill when your childhood is chaotic. This same skill is also a useful trait when you work as a project manager. I find it interesting when I talk with people about their childhoods and together we realize how many of our childhood traits have been converted into useful skills.

There are two issues, however, which are outcomes from my attempts to forecast the future. First, I often worry about outcomes which never happen. Second, I tend to adopt a fatalistic attitude toward outcomes which I see as inevitable.

This second defect is playing out now in my efforts to kick off the planning committee for a future event. I know the event will happen - barring any major cataclysms. I know I can do the planning by myself and make it work. I have do so before on other events. I also know, however, how flawed I am. I know I work much better with a team than I do as an individual.

My fatalism gives me the assurance the event will happen. My pessimism makes me skeptical about recruiting a team. Here is where I need to pull from other internal strengths. I need to demonstrate my enthusiasm for this event so others want to participate.

I will work on improving my outward display of my inward enthusiasm.

heatwave continues

Today I gave up on trying to exercise at all. It did not drop below 85 F, 30 C, last night. I awoke this morning already feeling hot.

When I get up before it gets too hot I leave the front door open. My cat watches everything. He especially loves greeting the neighborhood strays that stop by for breakfast.

Today one of the strays decided to come in and check out the place. I think the stray was feeling the heat especially hard because of his long coat. Well, the outdoor cat came in, found the indoor food bowl with a fresh can of cat food and tried his best to ensure there were no leftovers.

My indoor cat was perplexed and bit stressed.

After the outdoor cat left I gave my indoor cat a fresh can of cat food. He was happy and immediately tried to bury his bowl under the linoleum flooring. He was not successful in that endeavor, but he seemed please to have made the effort.

Cats do have faith there will be enough. They believe in the immediate - they are existentialists in that regard. However, they can learn. They are excellent at adapting, if you have patience.

Sharing with others is a hard thing for people to learn. I am glad cats are open and transparent about how they feel. Either a stray is a threat, or a stray is a member of the family. They let you know how they feel.

Cats have no need to go to Congress and pass laws to secretly enforce their prejudices. Cats do not bother asking government agencies to take food away from others. Cats do what they do, they do it now in plain sight, and then they are ready to learn from that experience.

videos for the cat

My cat likes videos. Especially videos of birds at a bird feeder. Other cats I owned eventually figured out the birds really were not there. Not this one. He is fascinated. He jumps up on my desk and sits right in front of the monitor waiting. He’ll wait for a bit if I am typing - like now. But he does not like waiting long. He usually wins because it is really hard to proof read anything when there is a cat between me and the screen.

I try to pick videos we can share. Some of the bird feeder videos have great nature sounds and beautiful scenery. It can be relaxing for both of us.

letting go

I have a couple more books I want to finish reading. They are relevant research for the book I am now writing. I already know what to expect in each. I could just set them aside and write the final section of my book. Yet, I have these nagging doubts. I think this is my insecurity. Or perhaps this is my perfectionism.

I am trying to just let go. Set them aside, Finish the draft of this final section. Then, I can come back later and finish reading. But there are these nagging doubts. What if one of these books contains an absolutely perfect quote to emphasize a point I want to make? Well - what if they don’t?

It is a struggle. For now I compromise. I write in the morning. I read in the afternoon. Perhaps once the heat wave ends I will go back to writing in both the morning and afternoon. Perhaps I should accept the heat wave as an indication of my powerlessness, and adapt my schedule to fit.

reminders about my powerlessness

We are in the midst of a heat wave. I have chosen to adjust my schedule accordingly.

I am running slower, bicycling slower, walking less, and even spending less time on my motorcycle. I have blacked out in the heat a few times before. I have crashed my bicycle before at times when I might have been a bit distracted by the heat. I have a hard head, but I have slowly learned that I am not invincible. I have learned to respect the heat and acknowledge my vulnerability.

I am writing slower. I do not want to waste a lot of energy trying to keep this room cool when it poorly insulated. I do not want to add to the afternoon heat by running my big monitor in the afternoon. I know I could finish the chapter I am writing this week if I focused on it. Instead, I will spend this week editing other sections and wait for a cooler time to push forward.

I have yet another reminder of my powerlessness this morning. As I was running I passed a homeless camp. The homeless around here like to keep dogs. They need them for protection against thugs that come to harass them at night. They also use them as burglar alarms. Today one of the big dogs came charging at me while I was running. In an instant I was reminded of my powerlessness. This dog weighs about as much as I do and it is all muscle. So I stopped, held out my hand for her to sniff, and then gave her a good rubdown. She did her job. She kept me away from her owners.

Powerlessness. There are reminders every day.

internal compromise

I mentioned a few days back that I have started running again. I had not been running for about two years so now I need to remember all the lessons I already learned once before. It would seem like all the effort I put into getting everything tuned just right in the past should all spring right back into place. It doesn’t.

Simple things need to be learned over again. For example, I looked at my collection of headbands and wondered why I ever thought they were necessary. I ran short distances for a couple days and knew they were not necessary. Then, I ran a bit longer, in a hotter part of the day, and struggled to see where I was going because of all the perspiration dripping into my eyes. Now I remember and rule I once formed - always wear a headband, even on cool days.

Next comes the struggle to see improvement. Thanks to a base level I had established by first walking and then bicycling, I was able to go from a one mile run to a file mile run fairly quickly. The danger is that muscles grow about twice as fast as the connecting tissue. It is easy to build enough muscle to tear the connecting tissue unless I pace myself. I want to get back to where I can do an occasional ten mile run. But if I work at that too quickly, I will probably tear something and then lose time while I recover.

I felt good yesterday. I went to bed a bit early with the goal to get up earlier today and run while it is cooler. I must have needed the extra sleep because I finally got out of bed only a few minutes before my normal time.

My goal today was to run five miles. I want to make five miles my standard run most days. However, as I got started I could feel fatigue in legs. I could have pushed and done the five anyway. Instead, I compromised. I ran one mile. That might not seem like much, but it was a commitment. It expresses my commitment to running, while being kind to my body.

I can push harder later. For now, I think it best to give the tendons and ligaments some time to get stronger first. I ran, but I did not run in such a way as to risk injury.

staying in my own lane

I went for a bicycle ride today and twice I encountered a young man coming straight at me in my lane. He was with a lady friend and seemed intent upon showing off for her. Twice I had to stop. Twice he apologized for inconveniencing me.

I thought of catchy slogans I could have lobbed at him. “Stay in your own lane.” This is a great twelve-step slogan reminding us to mind our own business. While physically it might have been appropriate in these situations, this was not a spiritual time for such words. Afterall, if I was to lob that phrase at him, it would just bommarange back and hit me when I did my daily tenth step. Who am I to tell him what to do? He clearly understood right from wrong and felt impressing his lady friend was more important than worrying about oncoming traffic.

The second time I thought about the slogan - “changed behavior is the best amends.” I was busy taking his inventory, judging him for having transgressed once and apologized, yet he was still transgressing with no change in his behavior. Again, I was able to turn this around and think of how many times I might have done the same.

I think I’ll just stick with the slogan - “a resentment is like taking poison expecting the other person to die.”

Shake it off. Turn loose of my tendency to judge. Release this tiny resentment before it takes root.

I was a wonderful day for a bicycle ride. I am glad young couples are out on the trail. Maybe they will make a lifelong commitment to seeking the serenity of the outdoor trails.

winding roads

Many years ago I loved riding my motorcycle on winding roads. My motorcycle had better acceleration that almost any car on the road. My brakes were at least as strong as any of the fast cars. I got better gas mileage than even the best economy cars.

However, two wheels can only get so much grip on the road.

A typical modern sedan can accelerate about as well as my current motorcycle. Even the cheapest cars have better brakes - because the design of a four wheeled vehicle with anti-skid means a lot of rubber will be gripping the road. Also, my gas mileage now, even on a mid-range motorcycle, is just comparable to a hybrid automobile.

It is amazing to see how much the automobile has improved. It is sad to compare how little the motorcycle has changed in that same time.

I think it was the incentives. Government safety standards triggered significant improvements in automobile brakes. Government fuel standards triggered significant improvements in automobile fuel standards. Motorcycles are largely ignored in those standards. Without a mandated incentive, the motorcycle industry seems focused on selling pretty much the same product they have for over fifty years.

This is most evident to me now on the windy roads. Now, rather than my trying to get around the old farm truck and family sedan, I am the slow one. There are times when I pull off to allow pickup trucks and economy cars to zip past me.

Part of it is me. I no longer feel a need to be fast. Instead, I enjoy looking at the view. I enjoy the ride for the thrill of the scenery rather than for the near-death experience it once was. But part of what has changed is that an average automobile now has better performance than the average motorcycle. I wonder what the motorcycle industry could do if they really wanted to make changes?

car versus bicycle

Yesterday I was riding my bicycle on a wilderness trail when suddenly there was an SUV coming straight at me traveling about 30 mph or maybe a bit faster. I jumped off the trail and let it go by. The woman driver looked like she was in a complete panic. I am not sure how she got onto the trail, or where she thought she was going.

Encountering a car is not totally unexpected. There are maintenance trucks that creep along. Sometimes I go faster than they do. Sometimes they pull over and let me go by. Occasionally, a driver expects me to get off the trail so they can proceed.

Occasionally the police are out on the trail. When we had bicycle police, they often rode the tail. When we had motorcycle police, they took over for the bicycle police. I understand our city manager considers both bicycle and motorcycle unsafe and has instructed all police officers to drive cars instead. So, occasionally, I encounter one or more police cars prowling as they search for someone. Most of the police cars follow the standard protocol and stop to allow bicycles to pass. Some do not follow that system and instead expect the bicycles to get off the trail so they can pass. But even when their lights are flashing and they are after someone, they seldom go much faster than the typical pace for a bicycle.

I expect to be marginalized on city streets. I expect that one third of the drivers are under the influence of drugs, cell phones, or hamburgers. I expect that one third of the drivers believe they automatically have the right of way even if their light is red and my light is green. I rejoice that about one third of the drivers look for bicycles and share the road.

I enjoy the side roads, the country roads, and the trails because there are fewer automobiles. But they are everywhere, even where you don’t expect them.

life balance

As of this month, I have a life balance. I understand that preserving this balance is a difficult task. I have found balance a few other times in my life, and then surrendered it.

As of now I am trying to balance work on my latest book, an exercise routine, service work, time for family, time for my spiritual life, with a bit of travel.

I have achieved a similar balance a few times before. However, every previous time I thought I had a balance I surrendered it for some temporary goal. I would surrender exercise when asked to work more overtime. I would surrender travel so I could try to fit exercise back into an overloaded schedule. I frequently neglected my spiritual life, then I seemed to try to make up for lost time by devoting what might have been an excessive amount of time to spiritual reading, prayer, and meditation.

Family time is one of the most fragile aspects of my balance. When I did a lot of business travel, I would be away from home for weeks on end. However, when I look back on those times I realize it was a choice. I was struggling with what felt like oppressive connections and believe I chose business travel as an escape.

I am content today with my family life. I am content with slow gradual progress on my book and do not plan to let it become an all consuming compulsion.

There is a bit of risk that I might over indulge in exercise. At times I have gotten into lengthy daily bicycle rides. A few years ago I became so obsessed that I to was ridding 500 km (311 miles) in a week. Since I was working a full time job and had a variety of service commitments, that was excessive - but it really felt great. I am going to try to avoid allowing that compulsion to overwhelm me again.

Actually, I hope that I have learned enough about obsessive behavior that I might be able to remain in balance indefinitely. However, I am going to do it one day at a time.

service work

We had the first meeting tonight of a new service committee. About six months ago some things went bad in another service committee and I took some time off. Now I have landed in a new position and enjoying very much.

Today was also the first time in over a year that I went running. I have done a lot of walking during that time. I have been doing a lot of bicycling lately. Today I bicycled, and then ran. Maybe I will add swimming sometime in the future to fit the triathlon criteria. Not now, but maybe.

When I do not run, I really miss it. When I am not serving on a committee, I really miss it. Both are essential parts of my life.

reminiscing

I am changing phone numbers so this seems like an opportune time to go through all my contacts. I have lots of contacts from when I worked at various places that are no longer in business. I have lots of contacts from long ago places I lived. I have lots of contacts from places I visited and planned to visit again.

Now seems like a good time to clear them out and streamline. I am moving the keepers over to my new phone. I plan to export the others and archive them before I turn off the old phone. This brings back lots of memories of places I was, and people I knew.

heat induced zombie syndrome

I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I try to acclimate to the climate. It is summer here, and if I want to be outside bicycling, walking, or motorcycling, then I am going to be hot. I do what I can to acclimate so the afternoon heat is not as overwhelming. I keep my thermostat set higher. I open the windows for ventilation whenever the outside temperature is not too much hotter than where I would otherwise set my thermostat. I bicycle, or walk, or motorcycle even in the hottest part of the day. I would add running to that list, but I have just not been in the mood for running lately.

To help with the heat, I drink lots of fluids. In the summer here I typically average 2 ounces of fluids per mile - which is about 36 ml per km. When I lived in Arizona, I sometimes consumed 3 oz/mi - 55ml/km. I plan accordingly. But my plans do not always work like I expect. Yesterday, for example, I stopped to help a bicycle with a flat tire, stopped to help someone figure out what was wrong with his new bicycle, and stopped to chat with a police officer searching the trail for a suspect. Somehow I came up short on my fluids, so I stopped to buy some more.

I find it interesting watching people pull up to a store, step out of their air conditioned car, and stumble to get into the store. It is the heat. They do their best to avoid ever encountering the real temperature. My ex-wife did the same. Summer or winter, her ideal temperature was about 75F / 24C. When we lived where it snowed, she spent as little time as possible outside. When we lived in Arizona, she spent as little time as possible outside. The end result was that she never acclimated.

I cannot say with certainty that the people I see around here acting like zombies in the afternoon are maladapted to the heat. Perhaps they are zombies all day and all night. However, I truly recommend adapting the outside world. It is a wonderful place.

squabbling over the air conditioner

If I am working hard, I like the air cool enough that I can think without feeling like I am going to overheat my brain. To conserve electricity and help me acclimate to the summer, I seldom set my thermostat lower than 82F - 28C. My cat does not like this. He curls up and acts like he is going to freeze. Then he starts howling and looking up at the air ducts.

Perhaps he is an eco friendly cat. Perhaps he is trying to remind me to economize on the electricity. Perhaps he is reminding me that in order to be cooler inside, all that heat needs to get transferred outside.

A journey begins with a single step. I think I’ll listen to my cat’s advise and turn the thermostat up just another degree or two. I cannot save the planet, but I do not need to ignore the contribution I do make with every action I take.

chapter four

Today I finally started writing chapter four in my new book. I have spent two months wrapping up loose ends related to the first three chapters. It is nice to be moving forward again rather than looking backward. I think the draft version of this chapter will come together fairly quickly. While writing I am also wrapping up some additional research.

sharing the warmth

I often travel on foot, bicycle, or motorcycle in the middle of the hottest part of the day. Then, when I come home, I close up the apartment and turn on the air conditioning. My cat does not appreciate this. He waits for me to come home so I will open the door and he can watch the birds, flowers, and other cats roaming about outside. He would howl and look at the door. I would say no and look at the thermometer.

Then one day it dawned on me that all he wants is about an hour of fresh air. After that, the heat gets to him and he is ready for a nap. So, if I can go out and pedal my bicycle for an hour, why do I find it uncomfortable to sit in the shade inside my apartment for an hour with the door open.

We reached a compromise. When I come home, I open the door and give him an hour to look out the screen. If he gets hot and moves away from the door, then I close it and turn on the air conditioner. Otherwise, I give him an hour. He fells better about it. This also helps me with my effort to acclimate to the summer heat.

holiday traffic

Yesterday was a holiday in the USA. This is one of three holidays when traffic in the bicycle lanes is heavy. The busiest occasion is Christmas morning, when everyone wants to try out their new bicycle. The second busiest is New Years day when everyone begins their short lived annual commitment to changing their lives.

I see two reactions from the year round riders. Some seem to become more aggressive. Those riders seem to be annoyed that so many amateurs are in their way. Some then seem to try to show just how much superior they are to the new riders.

I prefer the other approach. I try to slow down in anticipation of the unexpected. The new riders do not understand the rules for bicycle lane. The new riders to not have the strength or speed to keep up, and often block other riders without being aware. I try to give the new riders more space. I try to be more tolerant.

Perhaps I associate more with the new riders because of the number of times I have stopped riding to focus on work and then essentially been a new rider all over again.

I also think it is important to encourage the new riders in the hope they might enjoy themselves and make riding a habit. I believe that if more people rode bicycles they would be more careful when they drive their cars. Deep down inside, I wish everyone would get on a bicycle at least once a year. It is a lot of fun.