One thing I have learned, is that if it does not feel right, then I am not doing something right. I find a lot of joy in doing service work. If I feel like it is an obligation, if I dread going, if I feel used and abused, then this is not right. I can choose how I react. I can choose gratitude.
progress means faith, not fear
I have been working on my latest book since 2016. I am just a few weeks away from finishing chapter three. I am taking some time today to reflect on how far I have come in this effort. There is a lot more left to do. I have set my mind to the task and do not plan to let the scope of how much more remains discourage me.
Monarchs
The trail I walked today has a lot of milkweed. This time of year that attracts a lot of monarch butterflies. The butterflies are beautiful. At this time of year the milkweed is beautiful. Such wonderful joy in such small frail packages.
Consensus
How do we teach consensus when the very act of teaching empowers the teacher to rule over the student?
We cannot. Instead, we seek ways to participate in the experience of learning.
Recharging
People who get seriously into exercise know they need a periodic rest day. I find the same with mental activities. Sometimes I need to step away from writing and do something else. Sometimes I go back to thinking about the concept of a sabbath day.
Meditation while walking
When I can, I like to walk to my home group. The time it takes to get there gives me time to meditate. Many thoughts race through my mind. I think about all the things I am not doing because I have chosen to spend my time walking rather than driving. Occasionally I pause to remember step one - powerlessness. I also think about step seven - humility. This is good for me.
research mode gets my mind spinning
I am in research mode this week. Trying to find the right references to fill in some gaps in the pages I just wrote. Also trying to find the right references to fit into the outline for the next section I plan to write. All of this stresses the “evaluation” section of my brain and I read and try to categorize, then juggle the categories. Trying to ensure the master bibliography spreadsheet has everything, the website page has just the right things, the appendix to the book I am writing has the right things in the right places, ensure I have a Kindle copy, or a PDF. I want the Kindle / PDF versions because I can do an electronic search on those. After a while my head starts spinning. Then my productivity drops, so I need to take a break.
Even so, this is fun.
gratitude when writing
I discovered some years ago that when I approach as task as if it is an obligation, then the result is not as good. When I am grateful for the opportunity, my work reflects that joy.
facilitating consensus
Consensus works when all the participants have an equal share in the decision. Sometimes one member wants a larger share and tries to dominate. If the facilitator pushes back, then the facilitator is compounding the problem by taking power from others in order to counter the dominant person.
Consensus works when all the participant accept an equal voice and then protect their rights.
dangerous GE smart bulbs
I bought 4 GE smart bulbs back around Thanksgiving. 2 stopped talking to the internet after about 2 weeks. I went through the reset process over and over again, to no avail. They still work as regular bulbs - just really expensive regular bulbs.
A couple days ago my cat started snarling at one of my lamps. Odd thing for a cat to do.
Last night I heard a popping sound and smelled smoke. It was quiet when I got to the living room and I could not tell where the smell was coming from.
I decided to trust the cat’s sense of hearing and smell. Sure enough, the GE smart bulb in that lamp hot to the touch. Lucky it did not set the house on fire, but the plastic around the light bulb socket was melted and the metal was charred.
When I checked the socket where the fourth GE smart bulb was, I could see it had already started melting as well. I replaced both the damaged sockets with porcelain fixtures.
I moved the last remaining GE smart bulb to a socket with a switch. No more GE smart bulbs.
I am glad the cat let me know which lamp to check. I know it was just self preservation, because otherwise these GE smart bulbs would have killed us both.
conversation with a delayed response
When you write you carry on a conversation with a vacuum. Perhaps you can put yourself into the other person’s position and carry on the conversation within your head. Otherwise, you write and just hope it works.
I write and then I revise, revise, revise trying to create something that will make sense to the other person. I enjoy the process - well most of the time. When I feel that it is becoming an obligation, then I am not going to do well. I write best when every minute is an expression of gratitude for the opportunity.
beautiful day
We have water flowing in our river. This seldom happens. Nearly all the water that flows out of the nearby mountains is diverted to irrigation canals. Every once in a while there is enough left over to send some down the river to the ponds on the far side of our community. Today was one of the days when the river filled its bed.
As I walked today I saw waves rippling in the ponds. I thought back to times when my father had taken me and my brother fishing when we were young.
searching for my higher power
When others tell you who your God is, then they are also telling you who you are.
service with a smile
I recently resigned from a service position because there was too much conflict. I detached rather than forfeit my serenity. Even so, I am still involved. I just work behind the scenes and stay away from the specific people I have conflict with today.
I need to be in service. Service is a type of participation. When I think I do not need a meeting - then I better go to a meeting. When I think I have outgrown service - then I better get humble and go find another service position.
finding gratitude
I recently had an unsatisfactory encounter with another member in twelve-step service. It took many days for me to find gratitude regarding that situation. The pathway to gratitude was there all along. I was just do wrapped up in anger that I was not searching for the gratitude available to me. I am doing much better now.
newcomers are important
It is expected that a child born into a religion will become a member of that religion. Every person who enters a twelve-step program must earn their entry individually. The child of a drug addict is not automatically enrolled into Narcotics Anonymous. If anything, the goal is to ensure that the child never qualifies for the twelve-step program of their parents. Parents enter Nar-Anon and Al-Anon so they can avoid passing their behaviors to their children. Addicts enter NA and AA hoping their child never sees their past behaviors and only learns from their new thinking. Imagine what religions would be like if every parent who converted to a religion spent their lives trying to ensure that their child never became a member of that religion.
Twelve thoughts regarding consensus
We begin by surrendering our personal egos and seek only the will of our higher power.
We believe our higher power desires the best for our group, service, and fellowship.
We turn-over our self-will to the guidance we receive from our higher power.
We examine our self and our motives without taking the inventory of those around us.
We use honesty in all of our conversations by saying what we mean and meaning what we say.
We either trust the outcome as a valid expression of higher power’s will, or we clearly say why we doubt.
We humbly support the group even if the final decision is not what we had first suggested.
We act with integrity to do what we have agreed to do and do not try to subvert the agreement.
We take responsibility for our part in the consensus and do not blame others if problems arise.
We strive to complete the goal, understanding that we might need to change our plans as we proceed.
We focus on the primary purpose - which is to help new members find their place in this program.
We practice these principles in all aspects of our lives.
Research is boredom until
I am doing a literature survey on a topic where I think I have some knowledge. This is largely boring. Reading what others think when I can already state most of their position for them. Even so, this is necessary. Every once in a while I realize my thinking was incomplete.
Like a good conversation, I get more out of the experience if I spend more time listening. Same with reading. I need to put work into hearing the other person rather than jumping to an erroneous conclusion.
seeking consensus
Consensus is both a personal process and a group process. If i do not put the work into it, then we cannot achieve consensus. It is like Buber said about Dialogue - it takes work from all involved.
Detaching is not a defeat
I am in the process of detaching from a situation that was not healthy for me. A friend tried to cheer me up and it took me a moment to respond. I am not sad. I am not mourning the loss. This is a choice I have made. I am choosing sanity over insanity. It would have been insane to continue going as I was thinking that the other person would change. It is sanity to look at the situation and accept that I am the only one I can change. It is sanity to then make the changes necessary to protect myself.
Detaching is not a defeat. It is just a preference for sanity rather than insanity.